Overall 3/10 Apple goddamn-flavoured water. This shit is just disappointing like a red-headed step-child. I’m sorry Ryan. I can’t love you because you’re a soulless anomaly. Like Harry Potter I would lock your ass under a stairwell with this cider to think about what you are and why no one loves you. Packaging You’re thinking […]
Category Archives: Ontario
Malus Cider House Hopped Cider
Overall 5/10 (That’s 5 out of 10 phallus’ because c’mon) I feel like we’re trying too hard. As a society we’ve “found” cider and as such you have every last asshat trying to throw whatever is in their kitchen into a glass to see if it works when, at the end of the day, simplicity […]
Ernest Cider Impeachmint
Overall 8/10 I’m really close to giving this shit a 9 because fuck me it’s good. I have never had such a pleasant surprise as knocking back this can. I’ve seen God and this is the face I made. Seriously this article is gonna have a lot of pussyfooting around but this is a damn […]
Duxbury Cider Co. Original Sideroad
Overall 6/10 It’s what it is marketed as. It’s a good middling dry cider. I don’t know if I’m frankly being completely honest in this review because of my day/night but you know what? I don’t give a shit. I am 4 games into the NBA playoffs and so help me God the Spurs better […]
Shiny Apples & Pinot Noir
Overall 5/10 What can I say? I’m actually surprised it’s not as bad as I thought it may be. I learned after buying this batch that maybe I shouldn’t buy two of a cider I’ve never tried before because if it’s ass I’m fucked with another bad cider. Thank God I did not do that […]
Craft Cranberry Apple Cider
Overall 9/10 I officially need to drag my ass to wherever the hell their cidery is to meet the people behind their drinks. They are producing good simple cider that’s not shit. Simple you motherfuckers. Simple is taking things that are meant to be in a drink form and building on it. Simple is not […]
Brickworks Mint & Basil
Overall 1/10 I’m seriously contemplating changing the title of this blog to “I hate cider again…” Either I am left out of some cruel joke or people actually like this cider. I’m hovering on how low I can go and in doing so I’m trying to decide is this the worst cider I have ever […]
Tawse Cider
Overall 8/10 I’ve had this a few times as Biermarket in downtown Toronto. I’d even argue this is probably one of the first ciders I truly enjoyed. How can Texas be so goddamn Republican and repressed with such a large Mexican population? I”m watching the San Antonio Spurs play basketball and there’s a mariachi band […]
Brickworks Batch:1904
Overall 6/10 I really want to like this cider. As someone who refers to having two childhoods this cider really speaks to my second one where I grew up in Toronto. Nothing about this cider is bad until you hit the carbonation and then it just throws all the good out the window and then […]
Seagram Premium Craft Cider
Overall 4/10 Edit – this is now the next morning and I had to go back to this review because my personal indictment of this review is drawn in parallel to this cider. My disappointment in this review is only equaled by my disappointment in this cider. “Craft” cider my ass. Not bad enough that […]