Overall
5/10
What can I say? I’m actually surprised it’s not as bad as I thought it may be. I learned after buying this batch that maybe I shouldn’t buy two of a cider I’ve never tried before because if it’s ass I’m fucked with another bad cider. Thank God I did not do that with the Mint and Basil fucking enema. If I bought two of those I would personally drive to the President of Brick Brewery and give him stern words surrounding how bad that cider was and definitely would not consider doing horrible illegal things to his body that may or may not be unwanted.
So it it’s good but not amazing. I will happily finish this can and the other can I bought at another time but I don’t know the context in which I’d enjoy drinking these because it’s not a cider I’d have on a nice summer day and it’s not a wine I’d have with a nice dinner so it’s stuck in this weird flux of not being bad but it doesn’t know what the fuck it is which is a failure.
They deserve the credit for something out of left field which works to some extent.
Packaging
I’m writing this review against duress from external forces to not drink this. As a fuck you I simply say this as the strong independent black woman that I am.
So off the bat this is along the same as the previous review of Shiny Apple Cider. The can stands the fuck out and this is definitely a good thing and I give them high marks for that. I love the purple with the graphic apple which really helps to convey that it’s a mix that may not necessarily be a normal apple mix.
I like that the back of the can gives you a interesting set of markers concerning the makeup of the drink. Apparently this isn’t to be drank ice cold so it’s been out of the fridge for a bit let’s see how it takes. Will this be “Luscious+Refreshing”? Fucked if I know but what the fuck let’s find out!
Ingredients
Cider, Red Wine, Potassium, Sorbate, Sulphites
I still want to know what the fuck a Shiny goddamn Apple is.
My god they just told people during the Toronto/Minnesota game that fans throwing objectionable hand signs would be tossed out of the game. What the fuck is going on in America? And the Quad City DJ’s are playing the Space Jam theme… My God I am in Heaven. This cider needs to be good.
Appearance
I like the colour. It’s similar to the cranberry or whatever the fuck the other one was? Cherry. I’m actually not the biggest fan of cherry but I know I sure as shit love a peach but that’s for another day. So here I’ve got a good bubble came out of it. It fizzed as soon as I popped the can and kinda jizzed on me so I’ll give them a negative there but it was quick to dissipate and now it has a really small persistent bubble it’s almost hypnotic.
Aroma
Pull it under your nose and the apple smell is there. What’s interesting is I don’t necessarily get a smell of red wine but also of interesting note it actually smells dry. I don’t know how that works but I can smell the dryness you get when drinking red wine. If you drink a lot of these will you get a red wine hangover? If so fuck that shit I’m so out. Red wine hangovers are the “fuck me just get the gun from the drawer and end me” kind.
Flavour
Hmmmm… This one is interesting. I’m trying to parse the flavour profile. I had to finish a glass and I’m still perplexed. While I attempt to figure that out let’s all admire Andrew Wiggins smile. He’s so happy and I will continue to love Maple Jordan but my God the dude is not earning his salary.
It’s like a cider that can’t decide if it wants to be a wine. I’m actually not against the flavour profile. You can taste the sweetness of the apple and then it carries over with that dry kick in the back of your throat from the wine. It’s kind of like comparing the difference between a chili heat and wasabi. I think it goes together well though. Now the separate question is could I drink a lot of these? Probably not the flavour isn’t that awesome. It does go down relatively smooth though. The after kick from the red wine does become more pronounced as you drink it though and not in a good way.