It’s what it is marketed as. It’s a good middling dry cider. I don’t know if I’m frankly being completely honest in this review because of my day/night but you know what? I don’t give a shit. I am 4 games into the NBA playoffs and so help me God the Spurs better fucking win so at least Deebo can get the recognition he deserves. This was a cold goddamn can and I have no idea why. What I do know is if cider was NBA analysts that used to be coaches then SVG is better than this cider. I mean… c’mon you gonna tell me this man isn’t drowning in it?
And before you find yourself asking “There’s no way this man has swagger.” well guess what hot shot? He does.
Clean and crisp but it’s lost it’s lustre from the first dab into the Heritage 1650 I had. What the fuck is an “Original Sideroad”? I mean I’m saying this a someone who grew up in a very small town so I’d like to think I’m an expert on sideroads. To me, “Original Sideroad” screams a gravel road in the middle of nowhere that is so seldom used that the gravel no longer exists and it’s just pressed dirt. If you were to get out of your car and walk 10 feet in either direction in the ditch you’d probably find a case worth of empty beer bottles because fuck me did people drink and drive a lot when I was a child. Christ I have vivid memories of people having coolers full of beer in their trunk so you could stop and have a pop while chatting with friends and then hop back in your car and drive on. I digress. The can has a nice feel and I like the brown it makes me think of that dirt road.
Ontario Apples, Sulphites
Ontario makes the best damn apples because fuck you it’s Ontario.
Shit is clear yo! I love the fizz that came out of this and I like the lightness of it. It looks like it will be refreshing. I need refreshing after my Raptors lost to Orlando. Fucking Orlando. Fuck you Orlando.
It smells stiff like when I wake up from a good dream. I can smell the apple but I can also smell booze. The smell of booze worries me. Oh god may I never review hard liquor because if I do I need to re-visit spiced rum and that is not something I care to do. Despite the booze the apple does come through and it smells fresh.
Also tastes clean. It’s definitely strong and I would say it’s on the dry side too which is good. The alcohol is there though and I’m not necessarily a fan of strong drinks. I need some sort of Bizarro World from Star Trek where instead of Synthohol where it’s all the booze flavour without the drunk I want something where it’s all the drunk without the booze flavour. I need something to stiffle the crippling annoyance of losing game one a-fucking-gain. I’m at a point where I could probably make the most insane ludicrous bet with someone where it’s conditional on if the Raptors win game 1 of a playoff series and I’m gonna fucking lose that bet. Next thing you know I’m being pegged with a 13 inch dildo nicknamed “Excalibur”.