Liberty Village Extra Dry Cider



Apple goddamn-flavoured water.  This shit is just disappointing like a red-headed step-child.

I’m sorry Ryan.  I can’t love you because you’re a soulless anomaly.  Like Harry Potter I would lock your ass under a stairwell with this cider to think about what you are and why no one loves you.


You’re thinking to yourself, “I have a baby shower to go to. The woman is an insufferable twat. Her husband is a douche. Her oldest kid constantly picks fights with my oldest. It’s going to be a bunch of mincing bitches talking about their mommy groups like I give a shit while I’m working a 9-5 raising 2 kids. I want to drink. I can’t relate with these bitches but I don’t want it to look obvious. What the fuck do I drink?”

Well guess what you hot-ass moms? Here’s your drink!

Like me this can looks good. It’s a bit feminine but still masculine. It’s clean. It’s clear. I’d decorate a baby boys room with this can.

I don’t think I need to know or care that the cider is made where a prison used to be but sure?


Apples (no sulphites listed anywhere… Should I be worried?)


This shit is cleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear like it’s almost water.  I feel like I’m staring at 1999 Christina Ricci’s tits that’s how clear this shit is.

I mean they’re so goddamn white but I’d motorboat the shit out of those puppies.  I’m 100% an ass man but fuck I love me some titties.

Anyways, this cider is also as flat as 2019 Christina Ricci.  Time is an evil motherfucker.


I pull it to my nose and I smell apples.  This is a good start.  There’s a slight hint of a chemical smell there but not disgusting.  It also smells a bit flat.  That I can’t explain but it’s there.


Yeah I’m back to the flat again.  That seems to be consistent with this drink.  I want 1999 Christina Ricci goddamn it and this is what I got.

Ya she’s still hot.  Yeah that’s a heart in her hand.  It’s my heart.  Cause she took it from me like how her tits melted off.

You know how this is “0g sugar”?  You take a sip and you goddamn know why.  This is a fucking lie.  It’s apple flavoured water.  They sucked the life out of goddamn apple juice.  This is like getting a box of fucking cookies to find out they’re gluten free cookies.  Yeah it’s a box of cookies but fuck you.