Molson Canadian Cider

Overall 2/10 People can’t be encouraged to drink this shit it is objectively bad in how blah it is. If this cider were half as good as the actress who plays Elaine is hot I might consider having another one of these before letting my neighbours dog piss in my mouth.  Fuck now I’m transfixed […]

Lonetree Authentic Dry Cider

Overall 4/10 This this is disappointing me.  This is like when you want glorious underboob and you get sideboob.  I mean underboob is where it’s at. This cider is the sideboob of cider.  I’m gonna take a break while I finish drinking this disappointment. Jesus be like this. I’m all like Packaging Imma be a […]

Lost Craft Premium Craft Cider

Overall 4/10 I’m not saying it’s bad but it’s just lacking. It screams simple but not in the way like say the Thornbury Cider but in the “I don’t know how to make traditional cider” kind of way. There’s shit out there far worse than this one but not necessarily as disappointing. This is like […]

Pommies Original Cider

Overall 5/10 I had a long spiel here but this review is annoying the shit out of me. Twice now I’ve been typing and I’ve lost my revision so I have to type this shit again and it’s fucking annoying and I’m not in the goddamn fucking mood to deal with your shit WordPress. I […]

Farmed & Dangerous Cider

Overall 5/10 Seriously this continues to be the only goddamn thing of value that came out of Hamilton.  Billy Van is a goddamn national treasure and “The Hilarious House of Frightenstein” should be required viewing for all Canadians. That said, this cider is shit like being stuck watching CHCH on a Sunday Night cause your […]

D’ont Poke The Bear

Overall 6/10 If I’m going to attempt to poke the eye out of a bear I’m not going to use my finger that’s for damn sure.  I’d own that shit and use my penis.  H’ows that for asserting dominance?  Seriously?  A dinosaur dildo? This is another…. AFUCKINGNOTHER… middling cider.  Not bad.  Not good.  Not horrible.  […]

Sarah Cole Premium Cider Whip

Overall 6/10 Dance you glorious girls. Dance! Whip that fucking Nae Nae! Can I say it’s kinda weird that whip became a very urbanized term when historically if you’re black… Whips ain’t normally shit you want to be talking about in a jocular way. I mean, unless you’re Dave Chappelle. RIP Charlie Murphy. Fuck you […]

Ernest Wild Blueberry Cider

Overall 6/10 As it stands this is their weakest cider yet.  It’s good don’t get me wrong.  I may have to go back and revisit it as the first cider on a nice afternoon and it may change my outlook.  It’s got a simplicity about itself but it’s missing something to kick it up.  Might […]

Ernest Cider Rubee

Overall 7/10 I’ll be honest this ain’t my thing but at the same time it’s damn good.  I’m not a fan of tart cherries.  I’m not a fan of cranberries.  Fuck I didn’t used to be a fan of cider but you know what?  Here I fucking am and its not bad. Imagine making it […]