Lonetree Authentic Dry Cider



This this is disappointing me.  This is like when you want glorious underboob and you get sideboob.  I mean underboob is where it’s at.

This cider is the sideboob of cider.  I’m gonna take a break while I finish drinking this disappointment.

Jesus be like this.

I’m all like


Imma be a real one here. I can’t explain it. You can comment all you want (oh wait I disabled that shit because fuck y’all!) something about this can just screams gay. I can’t put my finger on it. It might be the finger in my butt right now that’s making me think this but it’s there. Like going to a party with Nathan Lane only to find out that your soulmate is flaming like a Buffalo tire fire.

It’s like they’re going for a turn of the century look with the can. Like this is the cider that Mennonites approve of. Like you’re gonna crack this shit and be like:

“Yo Jebidiah this shit is good you know what’s up.”

“Ezikiel don’t make me mess your shit up I’m getting a buzz on here!”

Then you start dancing with your little sister Mary.

So ya. This shit is gay. I’m afraid I’m gonna drink it and want dick mainly because I haven’t bought Ironwood in a long time! I know what an old growth orchard is but really does that make an apple better? I’m thinking no. Design wise. I’m not digging the pastels.



Cider, Water, Natural Flavour, Contains Sulphites

I’ve done a few of these now… and a few recently have not said they contain sulphites… so is this a grey area where they don’t have to announce it or are there legit cider without sulphites? For that matter what the fuck is Natural Flavour? Is it like they squeeze apples for the flavinoids or some crazy shit? I know what cider is. I know what water is. This shit has me scared.


I’m saying it now. I’m scrapping this picture because I see now value in it. It’s more a pain in the ass than anything. Fuck me though I do love me some basketball and people don’t like Stephen A. Smith but goddamn he is a national treasure.

And now I’m hungry…

I like the bubbles though. It was a good bubble in this. Mid-Yellow hue too.


Can’t lie. I smelled it as I was cracking the can and it surprised me. This is potentially good news. I pull it to my nose and as it drips on my chest I can smell the apple. I’m actually gonna go on a limb and say I genuinely smell MacIntosh. There’s a clear apple smell of a type of apple. This surprises me and I like it. I love seeing my boy Chris Bosh on TV for Raptors game 6. He’s always going to be my favourite Raptor because he’s part dinosaur.


Before I get into the flavour I’m not lying you can feel the fizz when you take a swig.  The smell of this cider really gets in your nose right as you’re taking a swig I like it.  The swig… You can taste the water…

Seriously this shit ain’t right.  I smell apple.  I drink. Yeah I get some apple but it’s watered down apple.  That annoys me.