Sarah Cole Premium Cider Whip



Dance you glorious girls. Dance! Whip that fucking Nae Nae!

Can I say it’s kinda weird that whip became a very urbanized term when historically if you’re black… Whips ain’t normally shit you want to be talking about in a jocular way. I mean, unless you’re Dave Chappelle. RIP Charlie Murphy. Fuck you white slave owners.

That said I need to wrap this shit up cause I’m feeling the booze.  This game is fucking amazing and I have so many things I need to rant about so I have to hop into my parent blog over at shameless plug.  Speaking of plugs.  There’s something I’d love to plug right now.  Repeated-fucking-ly.

So despite the looks of this fucking can it’s not bad.


This is, bar none, the shittiest design I have seen in a can in a long time. I’m at a loss for words. What the fuck is up with the horse? What the fuck is up with the colour scheme? The random fucking lines? “Crackling Carbonated Cider”? Seriously what.the.fuck?

I’m showing my age but I went “Na na, na na, na na na na na na” in my head looking at this gif.  “Say my name again… Say my name again!”

Note to self. When searching for “What the fuck gif” in bing make sure your safe search is on strict sweet jesus the porn you get! Oh and yeah, I use Why? Because fuck you that’s why. Bing is better for images and video. If you don’t agree you’re not a depraved deviant.

This can sucks more ass than a meth-head looking for a fix and the only way for that fix is through my glorious sphincter.

I feel like I’ve put my 6 year old daughter in charge of makeup, she does this and I’m really not surprised because she’s fucking 6 years old.

Honey.  You’re not a fucking clown.  Stop trying to be one.



Do we even care at this point?

“Made of Apples, So Naturally Gluten-Free, Contains Sulphites”

This is the most pretentious bullshit I have ever witnessed and it’s wrapped in the shittiest goddamn wrapping paper I could imagine.


That is some yellow fucking cider.  Like this is a hard night of drinking and I’m taking my first piss of the next day.  The foam ain’t as bad but sheeeit.  Yellow.  Nice tight bubble though.  Sam Mitchell has aged well.  Black don’t crack you fuckers.


I can smell it beside my laptop.  Full disclosure at this point.  I have a Raptors game on.  It’s must win cause it always is in the playoffs.  We are playing the best team in the league this year.  I’m 3 fucking drinks in.  I’m horny.  I was looking up whip pictures earlier when sober and found this.

Kevin Durant may want to drink Scarlett Johansson’s bathwater… I want Michelle Pfeiffer.  But get this.  I don’t like blondes.

You can smell apples.  Not bad.  How bout ‘dem apples?


Fuck let’s do it.  Or better, let’s quote my good friend Bill O’Reilly.

Flavour isn’t bad.  There’s a type of apple in there which I can’t put my finger on but I like it.  I want to say McIntosh because I like the taste but it’s a shit apple.  You know what?  I’m going to make another splinter blog where I’m going to review apples.  I need to express my everloving disdane for modern red delicious apples.  Used to be one of my favourite fucking apples and then man fucks it up just like we fucked up everything else.

quick edit – Vankleek Hill sounds fucking made up.  It’s out near Ottawa.  I couldn’t care less.  Before you tell me that’s not the expression I have my answer.  I’m correct.  I seriously couldn’t care less.  I’m at the bottom of my caring.  Fuck you James Vanderbeek you Dawson Creek motherfucker with your teenage drama and shit.

I don’t wanna wait.  For this love to be over… do do dooo do do do fuck you.