Overall
5/10
I had a long spiel here but this review is annoying the shit out of me. Twice now I’ve been typing and I’ve lost my revision so I have to type this shit again and it’s fucking annoying and I’m not in the goddamn fucking mood to deal with your shit WordPress. I feel like I’m reaching for an apple and there’s this goddamn tree.
Seriously what kind of special dick is this tree?
You may enjoy this cider if you like sweeter cider. I’ll finish it. Then I’m going to enjoy a tea because I think that’s what I want more.
Packaging
I like their branding. It hits me in the same vein as Ernest. There’s a consistency in their packaging that, if I’m out buying cider I can tell right away who is making it. This is never a bad thing. The cider itself may be shit. I don’t know that yet. Fuck I can’t even tell you if I’ve had a Pommies before. Maybe?
You are now aware that he licks his lip at the end of this gif. You’ve never been aware of it before now. Let that sit with you for the rest of your life.
Reading the side of the can I wish they would tell you what goddamn apples they use when they say “…Made from the fresh pressed juice of five varieties of Ontario apples…” that means less than shit to me! Fucking tell me! It’s like going to reddit and people posting pictures of their food and not sharing the goddamn recipe. Fuck Y’all.
Ingredients
Made from the fresh pressed juice of five varieties of Ontario apples. I’m guessing? Contains Sulphites.
Seriously nothing burns my ass more (and fuck you know that’s a lie because everything fucking grinds my gears) than inconsistencies in labelling. For fuck sakes I don’t care what I pick up. If it’s consumable with my goddamn mouth how things are displayed should fucking be the same.
Appearance
This is the closest shit I have seen to Schwepp’s Ginger Ale as I’m going to see. Will this be my “If I’m sick with a sore throat let it go flat and drink” drink? Probably not… But that brings me to one reason I actually enjoy cider so much. Warm beer is like sucking the Devil’s dick after he’s been at the gym 3 days in a row working a double and hasn’t had time to shower.
Aroma
Now that is a nice apple smell. It’s definitely there and it smells really nice. You pull it close to your nose and it gets stronger. I can’t explain it. It may be the combination of mystery apples but it’s really eliciting good memories somehow of growing up in small town rural Ontario.
So I have an idea. Scratch and sniff websites. That really needs to be a thing. I have no fucking clue how it can be a thing but it needs to be. I’m putting it on my list after weather machine. Years of idling my car in my driveway is finally paying off. Fuck you winter!
Flavour
Sweet. Light yet also with a bit of a body. Let me see if I can find a good analogy using a celebrity woman.
Hayden Panettiere before she ruined it by getting fake tits. She’s like 5′ nothing and she thick in the ass.
This cider is small but damn it is thick in the ass and I like that. It’s got a sweetness which I’m not the hugest fan of but there’s a bit of a tartness there which isn’t bad. The problem with the sweetness is I can’t imagine drinking a lot of these you would get severe gut rot. This is so not appropriate but going by the flavour profile I could see this as a good breakfast cider.
Sigh now I’m thinking about when I, as a black woman, are chilling with my black woman friends on a Sunday and we feel like having a Mimosa.
Cheers bitches. And girl, you gotta dump Mike. He’s no good I’m telling you.