Overall
6/10
Seriously who deepthroats a goddamn neck of a beer bottle? You confused yet? Fucking enjoy the journey into the madness of my high school years. Will I review beer one day?
So if you like cider with hops? I’ve given you two choices now. Fuck the other one get this one instead.
Packaging
Simple and makes me think of summer which I’m going to assume is their point here. This will be nitpicking though there’s something about the shape of the bottle here I’m not loving. The flair on the neck just seems off and the proportions seem off. I’m staring at the neck of this bottle and I’m having the most random thought so I have to grab my old high school yearbook for a magical trip about 16 years ago.
Gather around the fire you motherfuckers for a tale of homo-eroticism that can only come from growing up in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.
So I want to say in grade 13 I somehow found myself at a bush party with friends. I was rolling with a pretty rough crew at that point. A lot of booze. A lot of weed. We were doing a lot of break and enters. We were destroying property. Theft. Pretty much name it we were in it. Idle hands are truly the devil’s playmate. So here I get pulled to this house party and we’re all drinking the staples. Budweiser, Labatt, Molson. Always bottles because what the fuck was a can back then?
Anyways, I’m 100% sure this happened and I’m 99.99% sure it was Tim Lee but somehow the events moved to for some reason this guy deep throating the neck of a beer bottle. This was a dude who looked like this would be the last thing he would be doing. I’m talking he would fit in an Alan Jackson music video. Hell everyone I went to school with would fit in an Alan Jackson music video.
Then again, in hindsight… Kinda gay.
Ingredients
Apple Cider, Water, Sugar, Maltic Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Potassium Metabisulphate, Hop Extract
CHEMISTRY MOTHERFUCKER! IT’S MAGIC IN A BOTTLE!
Equally gay but you know in reality Doug Henning was rolling in pussy. Fucking magicians.
Appearance
This came out flat. Not sure if it’s because of the bottling. Anyways it’s got a good mid-hue and with no bubbles very much looks like juice.
Aroma
Very mild to the point I’m wondering if I have a cold cause I ain’t smelling shit. I don’t smell apples (sucks). I don’t smell hops (thank fuck). So here I am wondering what the fuck I’m about to drink and really wishing I read the labels before I bought it cause I was not a fan of the last hopped cider.
Flavour
Less hoppy than the last one at least going by memory. It goes down smooth in part due to the minimal carbonation and the hop flavour is very, very subtle. Again this is a niche I feel there are people who genuinely like this. It’s not me. I’ll drink this. I may well enjoy it, but don’t force this on me. That’s just doing the dirty. Fuck this is 500mL too. I gots a lot of drinking to do. Let’s see if the Raptors win? It’s actually a really good balance between the hops and the cider. It’s a bit on the sweet side too which probably helps me with the enjoyment.