Farmed & Dangerous Cider

Overall

5/10

Seriously this continues to be the only goddamn thing of value that came out of Hamilton.  Billy Van is a goddamn national treasure and “The Hilarious House of Frightenstein” should be required viewing for all Canadians.

That said, this cider is shit like being stuck watching CHCH on a Sunday Night cause your rabbit ears can’t pull in Global.  That said….

It’s the Finals up in this bitch!

Packaging

I was on the fence with reviewing a cider tonight because the Raps are currently up by 10 on the Warriors.

I mean, right now this is Toronto.

Fuck Golden State and their motherfucking Kevin “I’m gonna join a 73-9 team that don’t need no help cause I’m a bitch” Durant.

But enough of that, let’s talk about the glory of this fucking can.  This fucking can screams fucking Hamilton which is exactly where this shit is from.  It’s loud.  It’s obnoxious.  It’s fucking stupid.  Christ I’d say it’s lowbrow and it’s not a stretch.  I’m expecting this to be as good as if a teenager has decided on a weekend to brew a cider for shits and giggles.

Side note I hate the fake ass bullshit like “we are donating a portion of the proceeds from every case sold to ….” let’s be real.

  1. I paid like 3$ for this can.  A case is around 80$.
  2. Tell me what “a portion” is or fuck right off

This is goddamn fake fucking “we care” bullshit that I seriously question if people believe that shit.  They could donate a fucking penny out of 80$ and it’s still “a portion”.  Fuck with money being electronic now they could donate .001% of 80$ and it’s still a goddamn portion.

Fuck Hamilton and fuck your goddamn stupid-ass can.

 

Ingredients

Apples, Sulphites

Well at least they’re honest about this shit.  Fuck how do I throw emojis in a goddamn blog?

🙄

Appearance

I like the fizz on this.  I almost felt like I was pouring a Canada Dry or some shit.  All I can think of is John Cleese peddling ginger ale and it brings a sm-

-Jesus I’m trying to be nice here John!  Fuck you.  I hope this cider is good out of spit you vindictive motherfucker.

Aroma

Meh.  Smells like apple ya but also smells strong.  It’s like borderline “this is the shit I expect from a can that looks like this”.  God fuck it might as well see what I’m getting.

Flavour

Soon as it touches my lips I can feel this shit ain’t gonna be good.  Fucking alcohol water with a touch of apple.  Disappointed I am.

I really can’t explain it but it’s a shitty cider quality.  You take a sip and it’s not got that body.  You can taste that it’s fucking watery booze with an apple taste.  Furthermore you then get the strong taste which is equally meh.