Overall
3/10
Is this even supposed to taste like something? Why is there so much goddamn disappointing cider? Shit is cider flavoured water. I keep revisiting my ratings because fuck me if I keep disappointing myself with this journey. At this point I think I’m in the search for bad cider not good cider. Hey, on the plus side when was the last time I held something hard, black, thick and over 6 inches in my hand?
Packaging
Jesus fuck where do I start with this? OK… three angles off the top of my head.
1. It’s like the intention when designing this cider was “Let’s go for the market of people with truck balls or Calvin pissing on the FORD logo.” I feel like I should be wearing a NO FEAR t-shirt and a Fox racing hat or something.
2. It’s like they’re tapping into the sexual repression of the middle aged white men that are inevitably drinking this shit. I mean c’mon now… “Hard”. “Ironwood”. Big black can. Fuck if this can had it’s way it would probably be cuckolding my wife. Praise god I don’t bring a 6-pack home with me cause I’ve seen enough porn to know how that goes.
3. Are they going for the “Labatt Ice Beer” angle? Believe it!
Ingredients
“Crafted from fresh pressed Canadian apples made traditionally with a dry finish a true Canadian Cider”, Sulphites (and probably water… lots of fucking water but that’s not listed)
Appearance
Shits clear yo. You’re gonna see a trend going on in this review. Clear like fucking water. Clear like if you took a gallon of apple juice, mixed it with a gallon of water turned it into cider and then mixed in a gallon of vodka to bring the alcohol content up. It has bubbles I guess. This this is disappointing.
Aroma
Very muted. Like smells like water with a slight apple smell to it. Sometimes you might catch a whiff of the booze in it. Overall it’s almost like it’s not there.
Flavour
Meh. Go back up to the aroma. It’s like water with a slight apple taste to it. I swear I taste the booze more than I taste the apple. I gotta go back to my Rougemont comment from another review. These fuckers took it one step further. Not only does it taste like I’m drinking Rougemont apple juice but it’s like they watered down the apple juice and not just a little. It’s like being in highschool and replacing half your uncles vodka bottle with water and not realizing he’s gonna find out when the vodka freezes in the freezer because you’re an absolute dumbass.