Magners Irish Cider Original



I’ll take it.  It’s not overly bad.  If there were 2 ciders on the shelf at the store (this and Strongbow) I think I’d edge out on this one.  It’ll do the job when you want an enjoyable cider that doesn’t turn you into the fucking leprechaun.


Imagine old people drinking cider and this can is in fucking spades and I can’t hate on it for that.  Know your fucking audience and I wanna say that Magners knows it’s fucking audience.  I mean for the love of god this can give me the same warm feel I would get from holding a newspaper.  It reeks of a time that has died off with the advent of The Internet.  There is nothing bad about the design on this can you just need to look at it from a different lens.  This is a can from a bygone era.  You embrace that shit and you live with it.


Copperplate Gothic I mean what else can I really say.  That shit alone, if you have any experience with design… It’s cause for pause.  I mean it’s fucking hilarious but c’mon it’s like throwing comic sans on shit.

I can’t stress enough.  This can is like fucking old people.  Not “fucking old people” you sick fuck.  it’s fucking old people.  Not just fucking old people.  Fucking old people from that part of the world.  I don’t know if it’s fucking ok to say United Kingdom.  I don’t think it is.  Shit is just silly like this.


Cider, Sugar, Citric Acid, Colour, Sodium Metabisulphite, Contains Sulphites

OK.  It’s colour with a ‘U’ on the fucking can.  Fucking European master race eh?!  What the fuck is Sodium Metabisulphite?


Shit is bordering on orange. Fizz is gone in a heartbeat. No bubbles to be found. Maybe the magic is because I’m not serving it over ice?

What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.


It’s got a nice smell kinda like me. Soft and smooth like a leprechaun’s ass. Think about the expression “you have a horseshoe up your ass”. That would be fucking uncomfortable. I mean I’m up for the challenge but I don’t think it would make me lucky. I would be that person to ask if the horse is attached though.


It’s not bad.  It’s got a good mellow flavour.  If you’re 75 and want a cider but you’re old as shit and don’t know what a nickle can buy you’re gonna want this.  Is it a shiny new nickle or is it a wood nickle?  Wait… Is America independent now?  Is the fucking potato famine over?

What you want Seamus?

That’s fucking right you goddamn stereotype.  But I don’t have that I have a goddamn cider so enjoy your collapsing economy and inability to live in your own goddamn country.