Thornbury Village Wild Blueberry Elderflower Apple Cider



Oh yeah Adam.  This shit is that good isn’t it. This some top-notch /r/shestillsucking  material.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.  Imma gonna eat some pasta now so y’all can fuck right off.  Buy this cider.  This shit be good.  Masters of the Universe made this shit and I’m not talking shitty 80’s live-action He-Man.

I mean you went from this.

To this.

When all I want is this


WordPress…. You annoy me WordPress. Fix your shit. I am trying to post this from my Android phone. I have a very methodical approach and when I get thrown for a loop it fucks my shit up and annoys me. First images don’t upload. Then it fucks with the formatting. Finally? It puts the post as Published instead of Draft. You fuckers. This is what you get with free software. But think my cheap ass is going to pay for a blog software?

So I’m downtown. My birthday is a couple days and I’m with friends and I’m going to do a review. We go to the LCBO as us Ontarians are known to do in between lamenting about Dofo and enjoying our Raptors being the best team in the NBA. Seriously this shit is now in the history books.

So maybe I should review a cider? What the fuck is with the floors here. This ain’t parquet! Where my Russian Jews at?!

I love the design on these guys ciders. I love especially the blue and white. I love the changes in the images to incorporate the blueberries and whatever the fuck and elderflower is. If it was my mum and elderflow is a fancy way to say grandma vagina. The can has a blurb of what it is and they have a master cider maker so I’m curious to see if this is going to be good, a train wreck or worst of all… some middling shit which I tolerate but can’t get behind. There ain’t nothing like getting behind a nice ass btw.

So I’m curious about the hints of passion fruit they say that’s in this. Fucked if I even know what passion fruit smells like. It’s made in Thornbury though. They know apples.


I vaguely remember the last time I reviewed a cider that came in a can of these colours… That concerns me.


Apple Cider, fresh pressed Apple Juice, Wild Blueberry Juice, sucrose, natural flavours, sulfites

Why is it sometimes sulfites and other times sulphites? Are they the same shit?


Looks like carbonated cranberry juice and man the bubbles left in a hurry.  I actually can’t explain what this looks like now.  It looks like it’s gonna be tart but I’m genuinely curious to find out.  Apologies on what is amounting to a very gay glass.  I’m judging these glasses hard.  Gimme man glasses.  I feel like I should be tucking my penis between my legs while I drink like this:

I’m ready to drink out of my effeminate glass now boss!


So now I think I know what passion fruit smells like?  It’s actually got a kick-ass dessert smell to it and I’m going to pretend it’s not the cake I smell.

I mean if you are what you eat I’d love to be cake but I’d probably end up a peach or a giant dong.  Wait… Scratch that.  I’d probably end up a peach.

So this cider smells really good.  I look forward to imbibing it.


This shit ain’t half bad.  Like I’m actually enjoying it more as I sip.  I gotta find out more about these “Master Cider Maker” motherfuckers.  If it’s a guild I want in on that shit.  I want it to be the shriners like though with the fucking stupid hat and the little cars.

It marvels me that white men, in their owning all the shit in the first place, also felt like they had to make all these retarded little clubs to make them even more special.  I guess it’s appropriate that snowflakes are white.

But this cider… This shit is actually good.  It’s so good that even as a novelty I would drink two of these.  That’s actually saying a lot.

There’s like a sweet kick after the tart.  Man this shit has layers.  It’s goddamn Shrekception